Thursday, October 1, 2009

Life at New Normal

Things are beginning to get back to normal now, or at least the new state of normal. A few days ago we buried my father. It was a beautiful service. Very fitting for my dad. I printed a copy of my "Thanks Dad" post and read it to him. I wrapped it around the stem of his favorite flower, a red rose, and my words of gratitude have been buried with him. It makes me feel better knowing that I was able to express myself to him one last time and that he has my love and thanks with him always. I miss him, but I am finding that there are so many reminders every day that he will always be with me. My mom seems to be coping pretty well with the entire situation, so that makes me feel better too.
It's been a rough few days though. As if my father's death wasn't enough, seeing my mother-in-law in so much pain, both physical and emotional, is very hard to deal with. I can't even begin to imagine how hard the funeral was on her knowing that hers is not too far off in the future. The thought was in the back of my mind the entire day. Watching her sleep or lay on the couch most of the day was very depressing to me. She can't carry and hold Marissa the way she would like to any more. She's not hungry and she's in pain. I hate seeing this. It put me in a dark place for the last few days.
Today I seem to be adjusting to the new normal of my life. Happy, with a hint of sadness. Peaceful, with a bit of aprehension. Full, with a small sense of longing and loss. Life marches on and so do I.